Vet in a Spin Read online

into the opened organ, through the fermenting mass of stomach contents,

  and in a flash all my troubles dissolved. Along the floor of the rumen

  apples and pears were spread in layers, Some of them bitten but most of

  them whole and intact. Bovines take most of their food in big swallows

  and chew it over later at their leisure, but no animal could make cud

  out of this lot.

  I looked up happily.

  "It's just as I thought. He's full of fruit."

  "Hhrraaagh!" replied Mr Sow den. Coughs come in various forms but

  this one Was tremendous and fundamental, star ting at the soles of his

  hob-nailed boots and exploding right in my face. I hadn't realised how

  vulnerable I was with the farmer leaning over the calf's neck, his head

  a few inches from mine.

  "Hhrraaag he repeated, and a second shower of virus laden moisture

  struck me. Apparent Mr Sow den either didn't know or didn't care about

  droplet infection, but with my hands inside my patient there was

  nothing I could do about it.

  Instinctively I turned my face a little in the other direction.

  "Whoosh!" went George. It was a sneeze rather than a cough, but it

  sent similar deadly spray against my other cheek. I realised there was

  no escape.

  was hopelessly trapped between the two of them.

  But as I say, my morale had received a boost. Eagerly I scooped out

  are handfuls of the offending fruit and within minutes the floor of the

  barn w littered with Bramley's seedlings and Conference pears.

  "Enough here to start a shop," I laughed.

  "Hhrraaagh!" responded Mr Sow den.

  "Whooosh!" added George, not to be outdone.

  When I had sent the last apple and pear rolling into the darkness I

  scrubbed' up again and started to stitch. This is the longest and most

  wearisome part a rumenotomy. The excitement of diagnosis and discovery

  is over and it is good time for idle chat, funny stories, anything to

  pass the time.

  But there in the circle of yellow light with the wind whirling round my

  feet from the surrounding gloom and occasional icy trickles of rain

  running down my back I was singularly short of gossip, and my

  companions, sunk in the' respective miseries, were in no mood for

  badinage.

  I was half way down the skin sutures when a tickle mounted at the back

  my nose and I had to stop and stand upright.

  "Ah ah ashooo!" I rubbed my forearm along my nose.

  "He's star tin'," murmured George with mournful satisfaction.

  "Aye, 'e's off," agreed Mr Sow den, brightening visibly.

  I was not greatly worried. I had long since come to the conclusion

  that n cause was lost. The long session of freezing in my shirt

  sleeves would have down it without the incessant germ; bombardment from

  either side. I was resigned my fate and besides, when I inserted the

  last stitch and helped the calf down from the table I felt a deep

  thrill of satisfaction. That horrible groan h; vanished and the little

  animal was loo king around him as though he had be!

  away for a while. He wasn't cheerful yet, but I knew his pain had gone

  and that he would live. ~ "Bed him up well, Mr Sow den." I started to

  wash my instruments in the bucket.

  "And put a couple of sacks round him to keep him warm. I'll call in

  fortnight to take out the stitches."

  That fortnight seemed to last a long time. My cold, as I had confident

  expected, developed into a raging holocaust which settled down into the

  inevitable brown chi tis with an accompanying cough which rivalled Mr

  Sow den's.

  Mr Sow den was never an ebullient man but I expected him to look a

  little happier when I removed the stitches. Because the calf was

  bright and lively a' I had a chase him round his pen to catch him.

  ~e the fire in my chest I had that airy feeling of success.

  said expansively.

  "He's done very well. He'll make a good bullo ",~shrugged

  gloomily.

  "Aye, reckon 'e will. But there was no no Go O9 ~ on."

  my ."s.,:. en talkie' to one or two folk about t'job and they all

  said; to foOIt . f ~G~ ~up like that. Ah should just 'ave given 'im a

  pint of oil 1~ after fifteen minutes. JI '~r Sow den, I assure you .

  . .

  ~And now ah'll have a big bill to pay." He dug his hands deep into his

  pockets.

  "Believe me, it was worth it."

  ~Nay, nay, never." He started to walk away, then looked over his

  shoulder.

  ~It wouldtve been better if you 'adn't come."

  I had done three circuits with FO Wood ham and on this third one he had

  kept fairly quiet. Obviously I was doing all right now and I could

  start enjoying myself again Flying was lovely.

  The voice came over the intercom again.

  "I'm going to let you land her yourself this time. I've told you how

  to do it. Right, you've got her."

  "I've got her," I replied. He had indeed told me how to do it again

  and again - and I was sure I would have no trouble.

  As we lost height the tops of the trees appeared, then the grass of the

  airfield came up to meet us. It was the moment of truth. Carefully I

  eased the stick back, then at what I thought was the right moment I

  slammed it back against my stomach. Maybe a bit soon because we

  bounced a couple of times and that made me forget to seesaw the rudder

  bar so that we careered from side to side over the turf before coming

  to a halt.

  With the engine stilled I took a deep breath. That was my first

  landing and it hadn't been bad. In fact I had got better and better

  all the time and the conviction was growing in me that my instructor

  must have been impressed with my initial showing. We climbed out and

  after walking a few steps in silence FO Wood ham halted and turned to

  me.

  "What's your name?" he asked.

  Ah yes, here was the proof. He knew I had done well. He was

  interested in me.

  "Herriot, sir," I replied smartly.

  For a few moments he gave me a level stare.

  "Well, Herriot," he murmured, 'that was bloody awful."

  He turned and left me. I gazed down at my feet in their big sheepskin

  boots.

  Yes, the uniform was different, but things hadn't changed all that

  much.

  Chapter Two "Takes all kinds, doesn't it, chum?"

  The airman grinned at me across the flight hut table. We had been

  listening to a monologue from a third man who had just left us after

  tell ing us what he intended to do after gaining his wings. The

  impression he left was that he was almost going to win the war on his

  own.

  There were certainly all kinds in the RAF and this 'line shooting' was

  a common phenomenon when different types were thrown together.

  There are all kinds of animals, too. Many people think my farm

  patients are all the same, but cows, pigs, sheep and horses can be

  moody, placid, vicious, docile, spiteful, loving.

  ~.

  ~." `.

  There was one particular pig called Gertrude, but before I come to her

  I must start with Mr Barge.

  Nowadays the young men
from the pharmaceutical companies who call

  veterinary surgeons are referred to as 'reps', but nobody would have

  dream of applying such a term to Mr Barge. He was definitely a

  'representative, Car gill and Sons, Manufacturers of Fine Chemicals

  since 1850, and he was old that he might have been in on the

  beginning.

  It was a frosty morning in late winter when I opened the front door

  Skeldale House and saw Mr Barge stan ding on the front step. He raised

  l black homburg a few inches above the sparse strands of silver hair

  and his pi features relaxed into a smile of gentle benevolence. He had

  al ways treated me.

  as a favourite son and I took it as a compliment because he was a man

  immense prestige.

  "Mr Herriot, "he murmured, and bowed slightly. The bow was rich in

  dignity and matched the dark morning coat, striped trousers and shiny

  leather brief case.

  "Please come in, Mr Barge," I said, and ushered him into the house.

  He al ways called at midday and stayed for lunch. My young boss,

  Siegfried Far non, a man not easily overawed, invariably treated him

  with deference a in fact the visit was something of a state occasion.

  The modern rep breezes in, chats briefly about blood levels of

  antibiotics a steroids, says a word or two about bulk discounts, drops

  a few data sheets, the desk and hurries away. In a way I feel rather

  sorry for these young because, with a few exceptions, they are all

  selling the same things.

  Mr Barge, on the other hand, like all his contemporaries, carried a

  thick catalogue of exotic remedies, each one peculiar to its own

  firm.

  Siegfried pulled out the chair at the head of the dining table.

  "Come and here, Mr Barge."

  "You are very kind." The. old gentleman inclined his head slightly

  and to his place.

  As usual there was no reference to business during the meal and it

  wasn't until the coffee appeared that Mr Barge dropped his brochure

  carelessly on t table as though this part of the visit was an

  unimportant afterthought.

  Siegfried and I browsed through the pages, savouring the exciting whiff

  witchcraft which has been blown from our profession by the wind of

  science.

  intervals my boss placed an order.

  "I think we'd better have a couple of dozen electuaries," Mr Barge.

  "Thank you so much." The old gentleman flipped open a leather-bound'

  notebook and made an entry with a silver pencil.

  "And we're get ting a bit low on fever drinks, aren't we, James?"

  Siegfried glanced round at me.

  "Yes, we'll need a gross of them if you please."

  "I am most grateful," Mr Barge breathed, noting that down, too.

  My employer murmured his requests as he riffled through the

  catalogue.

  Winchester of spirits of nit re and another of formalin, castration

  clams, tri' bromide, Stockholm tar all the things we never use now and

  Mr Barge responded gravely to each with

  "I do thank you' or

  "Thank you indeed," and flourish of his silver pencil. : Finally

  Siegfried lay back in his chair.

  "Well now, Mr Barge, I think the it unless you have anything new."

  "As it happens, my dear Mr Far non, we have." The eyes in the pink

  face twinkled.

  "I can offer you our latest product,

  "Soothitt", an admirable sedative.

  In an instant Siegfried and I were all attention. Every animal doctor

  is keenly interested in sedatives. Anything which makes our patients

  more amenable , t;. .,. ~ - ~.,.

  , ~, a blessing. Mr Barge extolled the unique properties of Soothitt

  and we probed for further information.

  "How about un maternal sows?" I asked.

  "You know the kind which savage their young. I don't suppose it's any

  good for that?"

  "My dear young sir," Mr Barge gave me the kind of sorrowing smile a

  bishop might bestow on an erring curate,

  "Soothitt is a specific for this condition.

  A

  single injection to a farrowing sow and you will have no problems."

  ~That's great," I said.

  "And does it have any effect on car sickness in dogs?"

  The noble old features lit up with quiet triumph.

  "Another classical indication, ~r Herriot Soothitt comes in tablet

  form for that very purpose."

  "Splendid' Siegfried drained his cup and stood up.

  "Better send us a good supply then. And if you will excuse us, we must

  start the afternoon round, Mr Barge. Thank you so much for calling."

  We all shook hands, Mr Barge raised his homburg again on the front step

  and another gracious occasion was over.

  Within a week the new supplies from Car gill and Sons arrived.

  Medicines were al ways sent in tea chests in those days and as I prised

  open the wooden lid I looked with interest at the beautifully packed

  phials and tablets of Soothitt.

  And it seemed uncanny that I had a call for the new product

  immediately.

  That same day one of the town's bank managers, Mr Ronald Beresford,

  called to see me.

  "Mr Herriot," he said.

  "As you know I have worked here for several years but I have been

  offered the manager ship of a bigger branch down south and I leave

  tomorrow for Portsmouth." From his gaunt height he looked down at me

  with the unsmiling gaze which was characteristic of him.

  "Portsmouth! Gosh, that's a long way."

  "Yes, it is about three hundred miles. And I have a problem."

  "Really ?"

  "I have, I fear. I recently purchased a six-month-old cocker spaniel

  and he is an excellent little animal but for the fact that he behaves

  peculiarly in the car."

  "In what way?"

  He hesitated.

  "Well, he's outside now. If you've got a minute to spare I could

  demonstrate."

  "Of course," I said.

  "I'll come with you now."

  We went out to the car. His wife was in the passenger seat, as fat as

  her husband was thin, but with the same severe unbending manner. She

  nodded at me coldly but the attractive little animal on her lap gave me

  an enthusiastic welcome.

  I stroked the long silky ears.

  "He's a nice little fellow."

  Mr Beresford gave me a sidelong glance.

  "Yes, his name is Coco and he really is quite charming. It's only when

  the engine is running that the trouble begins."

  I got in the back, he pressed the starter and we set off. And I saw

  immediately what he meant. The spaniel stiffened and raised his head

  till his nose pointed at the roof. He formed his lips into a cone and

  emitted a series of high-pitched howls.

  "Hooo hooo, hooo, hooo," wailed Coco.

  It really startled me because I had never heard anything quite like it.

  I don't know whether it was the perfectly even spacing of the hoots,

  their piercing, Jarring quality, or the fact that they never stopped

  which drove the sound deep into my brain, but my head was singing after

  a two minute circuit of the town.

  I was vastly relieved when we drew up again outside the surgery.

  I`mr Beresford switch
ed off the engine and it was as though he had

  switched off the noise, too, because the little animal relaxed

  instantly and began to lick my hand.

  ' Yes," I said. you have a problem without a doubt."

  He pulled nervously at his tie.

  "And it gets louder the longer you drive me take you a bit further

  round and . . ." .

  "No-no, no-no," I put in hastily.

  "That won't be necessary. I can see er how you are placed. But you

  say you haven't had Coco for long. He isn't I more than a pup. I'm

  sure he'll get used to the car in time."

  "Very possibly he will." Mr Beresford's voice was taut with appreher

  "But I'm thinking of tomorrow. I've got to drive all the way to

  Portsmouth my wife and this dog and I've tried car sickness tablets

  without result."

  A full day with that appalling din was unthinkable but at that moment

  image of Mr Barge rose before me. He had sprouted wings and floated in

  of my eyes like an elderly guardian angel. What an incredible piece of

  luck "As it happens," I said with a reassuring smile, 'there is

  something new this sort of thing, and by a coincidence we have just

  received a batch of it t~ Come in and I'll fix you up."

  "Well, thank heavens for that." Mr Beresford examined the box of table

  just give one half an hour before the journey and all will be well ?"

  "That's the idea," I replied cheerfully.

  "I've given you a few extra for f Journeys.

  "I am most grateful, you've taken a great load off my mind." He went o

  the car and I watched as he started the engine. As if in response to a

  signal little brown head on the back seat went up and the lips

  pursed.

  "Hooo, hooo, hooo, hooo," Coco yowled, and his master shot me a de

  sparing look as he drove away.

  I stood on the steps for some time, listening incredulously. Many

  people Darrow by didn't like Mr Beresford very much, probably because

  of his manner, but I felt he wasn't a bad chap and he certainly had my

  sympathy.

  Long after the car had disappeared round the corner of Trengate I could

  hear Coco. _ "Hooo, hooo, hooo, hooo."

  About seven o'clock that evening I had a phone call from Will Hollin.

  "Gertrude's started farrow in'!" he said urgently.

  "And she's try in' to worr, pigs!"

  It was bad news. Sows occasionally alta,cked their piglets after birth

  an fact would kill them if they were not removed from their reach. And

  of course it meant that suckling was impossible.

  It was a tricky problem at any time but particularly so in this case

  because Gertrude was a pedigree sow an expensive animal Will Hollin had

  bought improve his strain of pigs.

  "How many has she had?" I asked.

  "Four and she's gone for every one." His voice was tense.

  It was then I remembered Soothitt and again I blessed the coming of

  Barge. : I smiled into the receiver.

  "There's a new product I can use, Mr Hollin.

  arrived today. I'll be right out."

  I trotted through to the dispensary, opened the box of phials and had a

  q, read at the enclosed pamphlet. Ah yes, there it was.

  "Ten cc intra muscularly the sow will accept the piglets within twenty

  minutes."

  It wasn't a long drive to the Hollin farm but as I sped through the

  dark.

  I could discern the workings of fate in the day's events. The Soothitt

  had an this morning and right away I had two urgent calls for it. There

  was no Mr Barge had been sent for a purpose living proof, perhaps, that

  every thing Vet ~n a S;bin 705 in our lives is preordained. It gave me